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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607737">Dear Recovery: 2020.07.29.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylviaoftheDepths/pseuds/SylviaoftheDepths'>SylviaoftheDepths</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Feeling is a Gift and a Curse [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Depressed Kim Taehyung | V, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned ATEEZ Ensemble, Music, One-sided Conversation, Playlist, Post-Time Skip, Red String of Fate, Songfic, Vmin Bingo 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:34:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylviaoftheDepths/pseuds/SylviaoftheDepths</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sadness was an unfortunate constant. Park Jimin learned to make it better.</p><p>(Don't really need to read prior works to read this!)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Implied Past Kim Seokjin | Jin &amp; Kim Taehyung | V, Kim Taehyung | V &amp; Park Jimin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Feeling is a Gift and a Curse [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Alphabet Challenge, Vmin Bingo Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dear Recovery: 2020.07.29.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">



        <li>In response to a prompt by
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainRogue/pseuds/TheRainRogue">TheRainRogue</a>  in the  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/TheAlphabetChallenge">TheAlphabetChallenge</a>
          collection.
        </li>
    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Was I planning on making a sequel to But He Wasn't There Anymore? No, not really.</p><p>I just... happened to get really sad today. Needed to get it out. So, really, Taehyung is me, in this one, struggling to get over himself.</p><p>In the words of my best friend, this is "Shameless Ateez propaganda". After having written it and going back to it, yeah, it really is. If you don't know Ateez very well, you might struggle with this one. Also, my first listen to Dear Diary really did get me to cry, even though it wasn't anywhere close to night when I listened to it.</p><p>This might not be very clear in the story, so I'm going to clear it up here, the word I'm fulfilling is Depression! Or Dear Diary, I suppose that would count too!</p><p>Edit: Ah, I looked through it now and edited all the formatting, past into present tense, and missing words that I didn't include in my haze last night!</p><p> <br/><strong>Prompt:</strong></p><p>[ D ]</p><p>Possible words;<br/>drought, death, denial,<br/>den, drink, day,<br/>etc.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taehyung looked down at the broken thread around his pinky finger, especially long looking this fine day, and wondered if he could wrap it around his neck to choke himself.</p><p>But with what strength?</p><p>There were days like this. The sun was up. It was bright outside. There were probably birds chirping. Wind was probably swaying gently at the trees. The clouds were probably sparse. They were probably pretty.</p><p>It was probably very scenic.</p><p>There were moments like this. Taehyung was sitting. Down. In a chair. His feet were resting solidly on a bar that ran along the bottom of the four legged chair. Haphazardly. Maybe they were dangling, freely, in the space between the chair and the counter.</p><p>The counter. The counter supported him. His arms were resting on the counter. His arms were covered in a sweater. A fluffy sweater. It was warm. Comfortable. Barely.</p><p>He <em> knew </em> it was warm. It wasn’t cold. He wasn’t shivering.</p><p>He wasn’t anything. He was a black hole, in a human body, in a warm house, on a chair. In his hands was a cup of coffee. It was hot. The extreme warmth of it seeped through the protection of the sleeves of his sweater, pulled to mid-palm. It even steamed. The air was warm around it.</p><p>Taehyung needed it. He couldn’t lift it, even if the counter was supporting him. His head would tilt backwards, slowly, if he wasn’t careful enough. It took his all to stop that backwards motion. He couldn’t lift the cup, sip the coffee. He couldn’t let the warmth escape.</p><p>But the warmth was escaping. All on its own. And Taehyung couldn’t get up and do anything about it. Taehyung couldn’t do anything.</p><p>His body was heavy, drowning, full, blank, void. It was nothing, he was nothing. The world outside was so pretty. The world inside was… Was…</p><p>There were people like this. People who drove cars that purred into park on the driveway. People that opened the garage door and closed it. People that made happy people noises all throughout the garage, shopping bags jauntily clashing against each other loud enough that he could hear the plastic. People who hummed songs because they were happy as they took off their shoes. People who opened and closed doors gently, because they were in a sudden mood of caution, people who dumped their shopping bags on the ground much less cautiously, because that sudden mood of caution was gone.</p><p>People whose humming turned into an excited gasp as they saw him at the counter and then cut off entirely, when they saw him unmoving. People who took gentle, quiet steps to meet them across the counter.</p><p>Taehyung didn’t have to look at them to know.</p><p>“Hey, Kim Taehyung. How are we doing?”</p><p>Kim Taehyung. So the routine had begun. Jimin was trying to make him remember. Call him back to himself, a state of being, of more than an empty void, an emotionless doll, no energy, no energy, no energy. Jimin was assessing his mental state. Where was he? How much could he do?</p><p>The answer was nothing.</p><p>“Your coffee is going cold, you know?”</p><p>Slowly, slowly, slowly, molasses, he looked down. His coffee was going cold. His coffee had gone cold. His coffee was lukewarm now. His coffee wouldn’t taste good if he drank it now.</p><p>He couldn’t drink his coffee.</p><p>“Do you want me to warm it for you?”</p><p>Warm… Warm. He wanted warm coffee. He wanted warmth. He <em>was</em> warm. But he wanted <em>warmth</em>. Something hot. Something like coffee. Something that mattered in all the nothing.</p><p>God, he was so <em> tired</em>.</p><p>His eyes flickered up, once, to meet Jimin’s. Never backed down. One, two. Too much emotion. They flickered back down. The counter was granite. It was pretty. Pretty rocks. Much easier to look at than Jimin’s expressive eyes.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes.”</p><p>Jimin’s arms were slow, gentle. They crossed the counter at a pace that Taehyung could track easily, push them away, if he wanted to, push his cup into their waiting palms, if he wanted to.</p><p>Taehyung didn’t move.</p><p>Jimin’s fingers were soft, warm, gentle, as they slowly pried Taehyung’s fingers from the cup.</p><p>From the cup. From… Ah. Ah… No.</p><p>His fingers twitched.</p><p>Jimin stopped. “You don’t want to let go? I can’t warm it if you don’t let go.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Jimin considered it. “Here, how ‘bout we exchange? You let me have the cup and I’ll put music on for you? Do you think you can handle music right now?”</p><p>Music? Taehyung loved music. Music helped him. Music protected him. Music would bring him back to himself. He would have feelings again.</p><p>... He didn’t want to have feelings again. It was nice, this nothingness. No thoughts. If he zoned out, he wouldn’t feel the bone-deep weariness bearing down on his body. He could stay awake, could sit on a chair in the kitchen at the island, could see the bright, bright world outside. Still, vibrant, pretty. A nice painting. Music was loud. Music would give him thoughts again. Music would make him a person again. He didn’t want to be a person again. Not yet.</p><p>So why did the warmth matter? Why did it matter that he could feel the heat of the coffee through the void of nothing? Why was he fighting, screaming, lost, into a void, scared, desperate, fading, fading, nothing?</p><p>Music… Maybe he needed music.</p><p>Nod. Nodded. He was nodding. Slowly, mechanic, motion. Motion. There was a wisp of feeling in the consciousness of movement. The control of his head movement. There was power in that.</p><p>“I see. Thank you for making this exchange with me, Taehyung. I appreciate it. You’re doing so well now. You’re fighting. I’m proud of you.” He scurried off to retrieve his phone.</p><p>Pride? The weight of his words drifted through the warm air, settled light on his skin, dissolved. Meaningless. Pride meant nothing like this. Pride wasn’t him screaming with a voice that couldn’t be heard, in a void that soothed his dry, pained throat, making him question himself.</p><p>Pride was doing something brave. Pride was fighting back.</p><p>Jimin reappeared, phone in hand. He put it on the table, slowly, in Taehyung’s line of sight. Taehyung couldn’t see the screen. Softly, he pressed play.</p><p>The soft tap of soothing drums. A deep voice. A rapper. A familiar voice. Vocals. Sweet vocals. Familiar voices. All familiar voices.</p><p><em> “Looking for star, looking for love.” </em> Ah. Ah, he knew this song. This group. K-Pop. Boy group. A- ATEEZ? ATEEZ. Final album. Epilogue? EPILOGUE. Star? Star… Star 1117.</p><p>“I see you recognize the song. That’s good. ATEEZ really has pretty comfort songs, don’t they?”</p><p>Pretty? Pretty comfort songs. Warm. Warm songs. Soft, warm, sunlight songs. For the soul. For <em>Taehyung’s</em> soul. Soft, warm, sunlight songs for Taehyung’s soul.</p><p>Piano. Chords? A low, pretty voice resting over the pillow of the piano notes. Another song. More familiar. Spoke of togetherness. Mingi’s deep voice. Still ATEEZ? Still ATEEZ then… An ATEEZ playlist, for consistency. Jimin liked to encourage order, when Taehyung lost like this. Order. Order? After TREASURE EPILOGUE… Starting with TREASURE EPILOGUE meant FIN came after. A song about togetherness in FIN. WITH U. ATEEZ WITH U.</p><p>
  <em>"I'm still walking, no matter what hardship comes."</em>
</p><p>Slowly, Jimin removed Taehyung’s fingers from his coffee mug. They were lax. He didn’t resist. Jimin hid a smile.</p><p>
  <em>"If I hadn't met you, what would've happened to me?"</em>
</p><p>The beeping of the microwave sliding open signaled the coming of the next song. A fun melody. Not a low voiced start, this time. Instead, softer. Softer, softer, encouraging. Encouraging?</p><p>
  <em> “Just keep it up!” </em>
</p><p>Sunrise. EP. FIN’s encouraging song. A song almost too bright for its title, somehow fitting for an idol group that was simultaneously soft and beautiful in the blaring strength of their songs.</p><p>A clinking noise brought Taehyung’s eyes up. His mug, steaming clearly over the red-ringed rim, was waiting for him at the edge of the granite counter. Slowly, Jimin slid it into Taehyung’s cupped palms, let it find home in his waiting hands.</p><p>It was warm. It was <em> hot</em>. Taehyung blinked down at it, nestled in his curled fingers. When did Jimin take it out of the microwave?</p><p>The song changed. A happy guitar riff. A laugh. Hongjoong. Hongjoong’s laugh was unique in songs. A giggle. Expressed many things.</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you for being on my side.”</em>
</p><p>THANK U. TREASURE EP. FIN’s fan song. A brave choice, for rookie idols. But that was exactly when idols needed to express the most thanks.</p><p>
  <em>"You and I, you and I, it will always be us."</em>
</p><p>Taehyung had someone he'd wanted to say that to, once.</p><p>A playful melody. Playful? A brave choice from Jimin. All to Action’s playful song? If Without You. It had-</p><p>
  <em> “Wah!” </em>
</p><p>- Yup. It had those playful little exclamations playing in the background of the chorus. And- oh, especially at the end of the song.</p><p>Ah.</p><p>
  <em>"On a Sunday, I'm drooping like a cat."</em>
</p><p>The thoughts were already pouring in.</p><p>Music really did help.</p><p>Taehyung clenched his fingers around his cup to the sound of ATEEZ being babies at the end of their playground happiness song.</p><p>Slowly. Slowly Taehyung could move his fingers. Jimin watched on in awed, fond triumph.</p><p>
  <em>"Here in the darkness, there's nothing."</em>
</p><p>Oh. A familiar melody. An extremely familiar melody, out of everything in ATEEZ’s first full-length album. More somber than the previous songs. Back to low, lilting voices. Hongjoong’s laugh. A confident giggle, this time.</p><p>
  <em>"Another sparkle, find the light and reach for it."</em>
</p><p>Dazzling Light. Taehyung’s favorite song.</p><p>
  <em>"Tell me, who you, who am I?"</em>
</p><p>Jimin was really ambitious in including this.</p><p>
  <em>"Let me know, who you, who am I?"</em>
</p><p>Taehyung could feel the echo of a smile, somewhere in the emptiness of his brain, slowly dispersing under the force of his returning thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>"Oh tell me, who you, who am I?"</em>
</p><p><em> Favorite</em>. He had a favorite song.</p><p>
  <em>"Who you, who am I?"</em>
</p><p>Another happy guitar riff. Familiar for different reasons. The memory of sunshine. Beach. Playing in the sand, tossing a beach ball in the air, hearing the waves lap against the shore.</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah! Okay, Fix On."</em>
</p><p>A new album. Order. The third? EP. 3. EP. 3, Dancing Like Butterfly Wings.</p><p>Taehyung’s fingers clenched firm around the mug. He could feel it, heated beneath the pads of his fingers, ridges of its white surface pushing against his palms, slipped out of the protection of his sweater paws.</p><p>“How are we feeling now, Tae?”</p><p>Tae nodded. Not molasses. Not without fog, but much, much freer.</p><p>“I’m glad.”</p><p>Warm. Jimin’s voice was warm.</p><p>More guitar. Aurora. TREASURE EP. 3 was really the album of guitar songs. That was to be expected. TREASURE EP. 3 was a summer album, after all.</p><p>Taehyung remembered all the chaos it caused, all of a sudden, when drop-heavy, thematic pirate idols suddenly introduced a summer concept.</p><p>
  <em>"Remember forever in our eyes."</em>
</p><p>Taehyung- remembered. Something other than just being, melded, breathing, not moving, seeing, but not registering, teetering, dark, rapidly losing light, heavy, heavy misery.</p><p>Taehyung <em> remembered</em>.</p><p>
  <em>"Please cover me, my aurora."</em>
</p><p>Suddenly, Taehyung wanted to drink the coffee. His lips quivered. They were pried together in disuse. There was strength in his fingers and a ghost of a smile in his mind, but it didn’t carry on to his face, just yet.</p><p>His arms always felt his emotions the most potently.</p><p>Abruptly, the song changed. Utopia? First song in One to All. Skipped both title tracks. Why? Too strong, perhaps? But that hurdle was for Dazzling Light, much earlier than either Wave or Illusion, and Utopia itself was strong in ways that were reminiscent of Dazzling Light. So why the former and not either of the title tracks?</p><p>
  <em>"I saw it, felt it, in my dream that day. I'm sure we will find someday."</em>
</p><p>… Because Dazzling Light was Taehyung’s favorite song. Because consistency was important and order was important and Taehyung’s feelings were important. Because Jimin was an angel with a caring heart and caring actions to match.</p><p>
  <em>"It's a dream, but the truth it, I can't stop even if everyone laughs at it."</em>
</p><p><em>"The cold wind touches me a little."</em> Utopia ended on Jongho’s fading long note to a last, fading piano chord.</p><p>In came another piano. More electronic sounding. Keyboard? Synth? A light melody. Fun, melodious, sunlit sounds in gentle harmony.</p><p>One to All was over. So EP. 2. A light song. Not the heady weight of Promise- because Taehyung couldn’t handle the desperate reassurance of the well-meaning soldiers of his heart yet? Not the clever bubbles of Desire either- come to think of it, TREASURE EP. FIN’s MIST had also been skipped. No crooning songs yet, it seemed. So Light. ATEEZ EP. 2, Light. Used to be among Taehyung’s favorites, before All to Action came out.</p><p>
  <em>"Getting closer one step at a time."</em>
</p><p>Jimin really knew Taehyung too well.</p><p>“Do you want to drink your coffee?”</p><p>Like now. Did Taehyung want to drink his coffee? Yes. Was it steaming anymore? No. A significant amount of songs had passed. It was probably lukewarm again.</p><p>Did Taehyung care? No. Taehyung never cared when it came to coffee. He drank it any which way, room temperature, ice cubes condensing numerous droplets over a plastic container, or so piping hot something had to be wrapped around it before he could think to hold it.</p><p>Taehyung had an almost worrying addiction to coffee. Jimin knew that.</p><p>He wanted to drink it.</p><p>Slowly, he flexed his fingers around the cup. Strong. He pushed his arms into the solid weight between his palms. My Way began to play.</p><p>
  <em>"Finally we begin."</em>
</p><p>He lifted the mug.</p><p>It was a slow journey, to his mouth. Had him fighting not to lose strength, minutely trembling, had Jimin extending an arm so he could catch the mug in his palm if it ever fell. Not once did he push the cup towards Taehyung’s lips. Not once did Taehyung let the mug fall.</p><p>His eyes fluttered closed as his lips closed around the curved edge of the mug.</p><p>The darkness behind his eyelids was a dangerous place to be, at times like these. The darkness behind his eyelids was space to finally be lost, to lose awareness of everything, to submit, to be awake and screaming, to never be heard, to fall and fall and fall and never find a way out, to lose breath and lose time and lose space and lose feeling and lose <em> everything </em> before he finally hit rock ground and wake up and find himself crawling because he didn’t take the fall lightly.</p><p>
  <em>"No matter what I'm going my way."</em>
</p><p>But debut album’s My Way was playing in the background. EP. 1’s My Way had also been a favorite song before Dazzling Light.</p><p>And the darkness of his eyelids was just… the curtain of his eyelids over his aching, exhausted eyes. Nothing more. Not the void of before WITH U. Now, at TREASURE EP. 1, Taehyung could <em> move</em>. He was something. He was a human being, with thoughts, could conjure images in his active mind’s eyes that wasn’t the ghost of someone precious, lost with the other end of his red string, had memories of moments that could make him happy, could shine the sun’s rays into his gaping soul, absent of the light of its original sun. So even as My Way changed to Stay, Taehyung sipped away at his tepid coffee. The taste was familiar on his tongue, against the deep corners of his mouth, even with an undercurrent of coldness that would be disgusting to most.</p><p>
  <em>"I think you're alone, but I will always stand by you."</em>
</p><p>Ah, Taehyung really loved coffee.</p><p>
  <em>"You don't have to be afraid, you can leave it to me."</em>
</p><p>Jimin’s smile was reminiscent of sunlight, right next to him.</p><p>“You finished your coffee! It was cold. You really love coffee, don’t you?”</p><p>Jimin’s expressive eyes were dancing with delight. Taehyung knew without looking.</p><p>
  <em>"When you make eye contact, I'll be right next to you."</em>
</p><p>He smiled around the rim of his cup.</p><p>“Are you ready to go upstairs?”</p><p>Stay changed into Twilight. The desperate edge of Promise that had been denied to him in Zero to One was granted to him now. He earned it. He fought back. He could listen without faltering now. It was time to go upstairs.</p><p>Slowly, he set the mug down. Didn’t falter, didn’t pause, didn’t lose strength in the fingers around the now-cold mug. Felt Jimin’s smile intensify beside him, felt his warm, small hand at the crook of his elbow, urging him to stand.</p><p>Slowly, he turned and slid off the cushioned seat of his chair. His feet pressed gently against the cool tile of the kitchen floor. He stood, knees locking in place, unfamiliar with the sudden strain.</p><p>He didn’t fall.</p><p>Jimin’s grasp loosened against his elbow. “Wow, look at you. First try at standing and you didn’t even fall! That’s amazing!”</p><p>Praise. Surely Taehyung deserved that now, didn’t he? Even he was amazed he didn’t fall. Although perhaps from the intense wave of sorrow pressing familiar bruises into the grooves of his already battered soul until it melted away into nothing as he settled into his seat against the counter, steaming cup of coffee in hand, he hadn’t been able to feel his legs. Following the loss of feeling in his legs was usually an attempt to stand, a realization the split second before it happened that ah, he had no strength, and the fall, somewhat controlled if he was able to brace against some sort of nearby ledge in time. Even Jimin had been anticipating a fall, not knowing how long he had been sitting there, staring out the window, eyes clouded over in something dark.</p><p>He didn’t fall. That <em> was </em> amazing. That <em> did </em> deserve praise.</p><p>
  <em> “This is how I feel about you, twilight. It’s like twilight, yeah.” </em>
</p><p>ATEEZ was proud of him. Jimin, his moon, his angel, his gentle aid with all the beauty of the most delicately crafted of dolls, Jimin was proud of him. Taehyung, the twilight in between, desirous of the sun, reliant on the moon, yearning after the stars, Taehyung was proud of himself.</p><p>ATEEZ’s pre-debut song as KQ Fellaz, From, took his hobbling steps and Jimin’s beaming smile from the white tile of kitchen to homey wood of the stairs and up, one faltering step at a time, slowly, slowly, past the creaking in his joints, past the occasional stumbling of his feet, past the fluttering shut of his exhausted eyelids.</p><p>
  <em>"All the pretty things are yours."</em>
</p><p>Seven loud steps past the sonorous worn wood of the first flight of stairs. Six soft steps past the firmer wood of the second flight of steps. A labored breath through creaking lungs at the top of both flights of stairs. Jimin’s hands burning through his sweater on his shoulders, surprisingly not weighing him down but lifting him, higher, higher, he could fly with Jimin’s faith.</p><p>The playlist did not end at From. Taehyung gave a start, confused. Jimin saw it, Taehyung <em>knew</em> he did, but paid it no mind, simply gently steered Taehyung away from the stairs, leading him down the hall, humming lightly along with the song under his breath.</p><p>The song was English. Had they strayed from ATEEZ? But consistency was important. Order was important and consistency was important. Order had clearly been broken, but that was okay. When order was broken, that was Jimin trying to prompt him into some reaction. It always was. So what was this? Consistency was never something Jimin broke, not yet. Not that he would be opposed, but he needed another constant to rely on, if something else was purposely broken to jolt him into awareness. Jimin knew this.</p><p>They took a left, breaking away from the direction of Taehyung’s room and to Jimin’s instead.</p><p>Jimin knew this. Jimin knew Taehyung well. Jimin took care of Taehyung so well, even if Taehyung never asked for it. Jimin wouldn’t break the rule without any prior indication. Taehyung couldn’t remember anything beyond pre-debut ATEEZ as KQ Fellaz. So after TREASURE EP. FIN? After All to Action was… was ATEEZ’s latest comeback, just hours before. FEVER. Within the FEVER album was an English song, unexpected, a hidden treasure, all the way at the very end. One Day At A Time. A song of struggles.</p><p>
  <em>"Just keep calm and carry on."</em>
</p><p>A song- A song for Taehyung. One day at a time. Get over it, one day at a time, one step at a time, one star at a time, until he could find his own dazzling light at the end of it. A promise, a call of understanding, a certainty of eventual victory.</p><p>
  <em>"Hold on tight-"</em>
</p><p>Jimin really knew Taehyung too well.</p><p>
  <em>"- I'll be here, don't forget it."</em>
</p><p>“Would you like to cuddle, Taetae?” He announced, as they came to a stop at the edge of his plush bed. “I think I’d like that. I’m exhausted after all that shopping!”</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, you've come so far. We're in this together."</em>
</p><p>Taehyung could do cuddles. Wouldn’t do the actual cuddling, skin felt still foreign, lips stiff, eyes heavy, but that wasn’t what Jimin meant either, Taehyung knew, as Jimin’s hands left his shoulders as he climbed over his warm, beige bed sheets, set upright a pillow for him to rest his back against, and turned so he could sit on his bed, against the large bed frame. He patted his lap warmly and stretched out a hand for Taehyung to take, hold onto as he clambered over the bed clumsily, finally gingerly lowered his head into Jimin’s lap. Jimin smiled sweetly down at him, delicate doll, gentle moon, angel, angel, angel.</p><p>
  <em>"Only gets better from here."</em>
</p><p>For the first time that day, Taehyung found he could offer the hesitant beginnings of smile back and knew Jimin’s sweet, moonlight smile widened in response even as his eyes fluttered closed once more and he nestled his head deeper in the comfort of Jimin’s pillowy thighs. Light fingers fluttered over the edges of Taehyung’s hair, smoothing errant strands, flattening them against his head, eventually just running his fingers through his hair, soothing, lulling Taehyung off into a daze.</p><p>
  <em>"Sometimes we need a helping hand, you'll be alright, just take it slow, one day at a time."</em>
</p><p><em> Oh</em>, but an errant thought slipped into Taehyung’s mind before he could doze, <em> but if this is FEVER Part 1, doesn’t that mean this album includes… </em></p><p>Dear Diary: 2016.07.29.</p><p>The playlist did not end at One Day At A Time. Taehyung’s fingers curled against the thin beige bed sheets.</p><p>Jimin knew Taehyung all too well.</p><p>Taehyung could accurately remember the first time he heard the track, just the night before, or perhaps more accurately this morning, in the hours of the morning when he clearly shouldn’t have still been awake, but was, had been playing around on phone until exhausted delirium turned into an early morning energy that wouldn’t let him sleep. He was on the floor, besides his phone’s charger, because if he couldn’t sleep anymore, then he couldn’t be without his phone either, charging or not. He’d been in this position one too many times in the past, so he knew to lay on his stomach on the long rug beside his bed so his butt wouldn’t ache after spending too long sitting on his wooden floor. He’d had no intention to listen to the entire ZERO: FEVER Part 1 album that early, started at the first song he was familiar with, THANXX, title track hopeful, and went down the list. It was alright, there were only two tracks left and he couldn’t really remember what the rest of the tracks sounded like anyway, in his morning haze, he could take his time listening to them later, when he was more in touch with himself. But he was lacking restrictions as he often was after sleepless nights and he played it out of curiosity.</p><p>He was expecting a trainee diary entry, seeing the title. For some reason, Mingi’s voice came to mind, although if anyone’s, it would probably be Hongjoong’s. Maybe even Yeosang’s, although he couldn’t rationalize that direction at all.</p><p>The female voice that came through utterly baffled him.</p><p><em> It could be, </em> he’d thought to himself. <em> They could hire someone else to read the diary entry so as to not expose whose it was. </em></p><p>But then the story had progressed. Then Taehyung had found his adrenaline-happy face falling, had found the words sticking in his heart, alarmingly familiar, too close to home. Had to get up numbly, go downstairs early, get himself what was meant to be a comforting cup of coffee as he found himself crying at the words of an idol group who related too much.</p><p>Just as he was doing now, as familiar, hopeful words flew into the air, painting a picture of stars over their heads as a tentative little girl spoke his story, hers, his hyung’s, and a million other people’s.</p><p>
  <em> “29th of July, weather is clear. One adult asked me, “What is your dream?” As if my dreams explained who I am. When I said I had no dream, the look on the adult’s face was like the child with no name. The look was familiar to me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Though studying wasn’t much of my taste, I tried my best. Parents were fond of joy when I brought good grades to them. Walking on the same path at the same time, I continued my life with no expression. Many books tell me, "Look at the stars in the night sky and become the person who shines bright like those stars." But the stars that I looked up in the sky did not shine at all, so I continue to walk, looking down on the floor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Suddenly, a strange thing happened to me As I was walking, a child came up to me and started talking to me. “There is nothing on the floor to look at, raise your head up.” This child was a bit weird. The child looked at me with a bright smile and had a pure glow from its face. But it seems like this child had the same expression on its eyes as me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “From that moment, we started to hang out a few times. Turning up the music and dancing together was the most exciting part of our hangouts. For the first time, I actually felt alive, hearts pounding like it is about to burst out and this tingling feelings coming up from my fingertips started to take over me. Was there a moment when I wanted something this bad? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “One by one, more children started to say my name. The path that I only walked with one another person became a path to many. Slowly, the word ‘I’ became ‘ours’, wandering around with this unknown fever as we looked above our heads, stars seem to shine bright today.” </em>
</p><p>And finally, the emotions hit.</p><p>Taehyung turned his face into Jimin’s lap as FEVER started to play. This would be the last one, he knew. It didn’t matter, vague sorrow turning into tangible sadness as he sobbed from unknown emotions into Jimin’s lap, the weight of his human self finally whole, crashing into his wholly unprepared, fragile body.</p><p>Taehyung fell asleep, tear tracks dried on his cheeks, eyes puffy, and throat slightly sore, to Jongho crooning out the last notes of FEVER, <em> “So I let it go,” </em> as Jimin continued to card his fingers gently through his hair, smiling that same, gentle smile, until he, too, fell asleep under the lull of the sweet praise he whispered into the twilight air in between them, charged and looking for rest in the beckons of starlit dreams.</p><p>“I’m so, so proud of you. Feeling is always the hardest. I’m so, so proud of you for letting yourself cry. It isn’t easy, you’re so, so brave, I’m so, so proud you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ah~, I suppose you can consider this indirectly promoting ATEEZ's comeback as well?</p><p>On the other hand, isn't it really sad that this is my first almost-cute VMin story for this Bingo? Like I never really expected to be able to write all this angst at all, much less all of it for poor, poor VMin, whom I love very, very much. (Friends was a dream come true!) Alas, quarantine has turned me into this. I'm sorry for regaling you all with my quarantine angst VMin!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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